The Beginner's Guide to Perimenopausal ADHD: Morning Edition

Wait... why did I come in here again?

6:08 AM.

I’m going to get SO much done today

Yikes only a 72 sleep score?

Ok, 52 minutes until my production call, plenty of time.

WHO’S THE BESTEST LITTLE GIRL?!?

“Gilda, are you my BABY? Yes you ARE… I gave birth to you… yes I did… I carried you in my womb for NINE MONTHS…”

That Hacks series finale might have been the best series finale of all time.

What was the name of that new Netflix show I just read about, the one that’s like The Villages in Florida meets Stranger Things?

I really need to get to New York to see Mariska on Broadway.

Where the F are my readers?

(feels top of head)

Oh.

80,729 emails in my inbox… cool cool.

(Cough) … do I have cancer?

Ooooh look, [INSERT POSH SELLER NAME HERE] is live!

(Bid)

(Bid)

(Bid)

(Bid)

Shit, I need to mail my orders out today.

Shit, I need to list new items today.

Delete delete delete delete delete delete delete

80,722 emails in my inbox… progress!

WHO’S THE BESTEST LITTLE BOY?

“My name is Grady…and I’m made of potatoes…and stuffed with cheesssseeeeeee…”

I need to eat something before my call.

How many grams of protein am I supposed to eat every day? Is it one gram per pound?

(Googles) “how many grams of protein should you eat in a day”

Adults should generally consume .5 to .7 grams of protein per pound of body weight daily.

If I’d done more drugs - or any drugs - I’d probably know what a gram is.

Was Robert Downey Jr. just playing himself at the time in Less Than Zero?

“Time time time… see what’s become of me…”

(Googles) “how much is a gram?”

One gram is a very small and lightweight amount. To visualize it, it is roughly equal to the weight of one standard paperclip, a U.S. dollar bill, or a single raisin.

Ok raisin raisin I can get my head around that… so I need… 70 grams? Per DAY?

70 raisins doesn’t seem like a lot.

70 paper clips seems like more.

70 dollar bills seems like the most.

How can those three be the same?

And why a dollar bill? Aren’t all bills the same size, shape and weight?

Do we have raisins?

(Runs to kitchen cupboards, locates raisins, leaves cupboard open)

(Runs back upstairs to home office, grabs jar of paper clips)

(Runs to bedroom closet, opens safe, grabs stash of cash)

(Makes pile of raisins, paperclips, and bills)

There’s no WAY these can be the same.

I still can’t believe I did better on the math portion of my SATs than my Verbal.

I wonder if I really graduated high school.

I wonder if I really graduated college.

Does anybody ever CHECK?

I should tell people I went to Harvard.

No, not Harvard - NYU. Way cooler.

I mean, I DID spend a lot of time on West 4th.

”WHO’S THE BEST BIG BOY? My name is Lobo… and I’m a doodle… and I’m the doodle-iest doodle that ever wasssss…”

Doodle… Wordle… Don’t forget to do Wordle - it helps you focus.

Shit, how do I only now have seven minutes before my call?

Ok need to get dressed, need to get dressed, at least from waist up…

Why can I NEVER FIND A BRA?!?

It’s not like they’re going to know I slept in this Nirvana tee.

If I knew how to sew, I could upcycle concert tees and sell them on Posh.

I made a decent duffle bag and a pillow shaped like a telephone in 6th grade Home Ec… how hard could it be?

How long does it take to air fry egg white bites again?

14 minutes?!?!

Cheese stick it is.

REALLY, Macbook? You gonna crash on me and force a restart RIGHT now?

What, suddenly you can’t handle 37 tabs open at once? GROW UP.

(texts) “be right there”

ANYTIME THIS YEAR, MACBOOK

Everything went to shit when Steve Jobs died.

“Heyyyyyyy everyone!...sorry, I think there was a Zoom update…”

Am I on mute? Goddamnit…

“Heyyyyyyy everyone!...sorry, I think there was a Zoom update… okay, pulling up the pilot script... Oh thank you! That means a lot to me. I love it, too.”

It’s gonna get made. I can just FEEL it.

7:03am.

I’m going to get SO much done tomorrow…

xo,
SG

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